ND Parent Guide

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Written Guide

Below is a 15-point guide.  Other online resources can be found at


Guide 1: Understanding Neurodiversity. Neurodiversity is a term that describes the wide variety of human brains and the many different ways in which our brains work. This perspective recognizes that there is no one "correct" or "right" way of being, and that neurological differences are not necessarily deficits or problems.
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What does Neurodivergent mean?
Brains that learn, behave, and process differently from the majority are described as "neurodivergent." This includes conditions such as:
  • Autism
  • ADHD
  • Dyslexia
  • Dyscalculia
  • Dyspraxia
  • Tourette's Syndrome
While the world is often set up to suit the neurotypical majority, neurodivergent people have many strengths:
  • Great attention to detail
  • Creativity
  • Hyper-focus
  • Thinking outside the box
  • Analytical thinking
  • Passion for fairness and social justice
Remember: "If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." - Maya Angelou

Guide 2: Recognizing Autism. Autism is a neurotype that leads to differences in how information is processed and understood. Autistic people typically experience differences in:

1. Social Communication and Interaction
  • May have advanced vocabulary or speech delays
  • Might prefer direct, literal language
  • May struggle interpreting facial expressions and body language
  • Might find eye contact overwhelming or painful
  • Could need more time to process social information
2. Repetitive and Restricted Behaviors
  • May prefer strict routines and become distressed by changes
  • Might use repetitive language or movements (stimming)
  • Could have strong special interests or passions
  • May organize objects in specific ways
3. Sensory Processing Differences
  • May be over or under-sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, tastes, or smells
  • Might find everyday sensory experiences overwhelming
  • Could seek out or avoid certain sensory inputs
4. Intense Interests
  • Often have passionate interests that bring joy and fulfillment
  • May develop deep expertise in specific topics
  • Could use interests as a way to connect with others
Remember that every autistic person is unique, with their own individual profile of strengths and challenges.

Guide 3: Understanding ADHD. ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) affects how people regulate attention, impulses, and activity levels. There are three main types:~

1. Hyperactive
  • Need for movement, fidgeting, or struggling to stay seated
  • Excessive talking
  • Frequently interrupts others
  • May be louder in interactions
  • Struggles waiting turns
  • Impulsive speech and actions
2. Inattentive
  • Difficulty maintaining attention
  • Often loses or misplaces things
  • Avoids activities requiring prolonged concentration
  • Struggles with organization
  • Difficulty following instructions
  • May appear shy or withdrawn
  • Daydreams frequently
3. Combined
  • Shows symptoms of both hyperactive and inattentive types

Additional ADHD Challenges:
  • Forgetfulness
  • Time management difficulties
  • Time blindness (difficulty calculating how long tasks take)
  • Rejection sensitivity
  • Easily overwhelmed by tasks

ADHD Strengths:
  • Creativity and curiosity
  • Willingness to take risks
  • Out-of-the-box thinking
  • Hyperfocus on topics of interest

Guide 4: Learning Differences and Support. Specific Learning Difficulties

Literacy and Numeracy Difficulties:
  • Dyslexia: Difficulty connecting letters with sounds, affecting reading fluency
  • Dysgraphia: Challenges with writing, spelling, grammar, and handwriting
  • Dyscalculia: Difficulty with number concepts, calculations, and math reasoning

Developmental Language Disorder (DLD):
  • Affects 1 in 14 people (about 2 children in every class)
  • Makes talking and understanding language difficult
  • May affect understanding instructions, answering questions, learning new words, etc.

Dyspraxia/Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD):
  • Affects physical coordination of both fine and gross motor skills
  • Impacts everyday activities like writing, tying shoelaces, eating, and playing sports
  • May make some physical tasks painful or difficult

School Support:
  1. Talk to your child's school about identifying and meeting needs
  2. Schools can use assessments to analyze difficulties and provide appropriate help
  3. Request accommodations like laptops, visual resources, and color-coded materials
  4. Libraries often have resources for children with literacy difficulties

Guide 5: Pre-Diagnosis and First Steps. If you have concerns about your child, trust your instincts! You know them better than anyone else.

Signs you might notice:
  • Delayed development in areas like walking, talking, or toileting
  • Difficulty with social interactions
  • Sensory sensitivities
  • Challenges with changes in routine
  • Strong, intense interests
  • Difficulty regulating emotions

First Steps:
  1. Keep a diary of behaviors, sensitivities, and challenges
  2. Speak to your child's teacher, GP, or health visitor
  3. Research neurodevelopmental conditions
  4. Join support groups to connect with other parents
  5. Check your local council's "Local Offer" website for SEND services
Before diagnosis:
  • Find inclusive activities for your child
  • Work with your child's school to implement helpful strategies
  • Focus on your child's strengths while supporting their challenges
  • Remember that supporting your child doesn't require waiting for a diagnosis
Remember that getting a diagnosis is not about labeling your child, but about understanding their needs and accessing appropriate support.

Guide 6: The Diagnostic Process Approaching healthcare professionals with concerns:
  1. Prepare information:
    • Keep records of behaviors, challenges, and differences
    • Note family history of neurodevelopmental conditions
    • Gather feedback from professionals working with your child
  2. The referral process:
    • GPs will refer to specialists who can assess your child
    • This may include pediatricians, psychologists, or multidisciplinary teams
  3. What to expect at assessments:
    • Professionals may observe your child
    • You'll be asked about developmental history
    • They may use standardized assessment tools
    • Your child may be asked to complete specific tasks
    • Schools may provide information
  4. During the waiting period:
    • Continue to document concerns
    • Access support that doesn't require diagnosis
    • Connect with support groups
    • Research strategies that might help your child
  5. After diagnosis:
    • Take time to process this information
    • Remember your child is the same person they were before
    • Learn about your child's specific needs
    • Connect with local services and support groups
    • Consider when and how to tell your child about their diagnosis

Remember: A diagnosis is a tool to help understand your child's needs and access appropriate support.

Guide 7: Education Support. All children are entitled to a fulfilling education. Neurodivergent children may need extra support to reach their potential.

Signs your child might need additional support:
  • Difficulty making friends
  • Trouble sitting still or maintaining focus
  • Not eating at lunchtime
  • Being upset before or after school
  • Hiding away or being unusually quiet
  • Reluctance to attend school
  • Getting into trouble for behavior
  • Struggling to follow instructions
Steps to get support:
  1. Talk to the class teacher
    • Discuss your concerns and understand if they're seeing similar issues
    • Share strategies that work at home
  2. Meet with the SENCo (Special Educational Needs Coordinator)
    • They can suggest specialized support
    • May refer to specialist advisory services
    • Can identify areas where your child needs help
  3. Request an individual support plan
    • May be called One Plans, IEPs, or Learning Passports
    • Should detail your child's needs and support strategies
    • Should be reviewed regularly using the "Assess, Plan, Do, Review" cycle
  4. Consider an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP)
    • For children with more significant needs
    • A legal document detailing support requirements
    • Can provide additional funding and resources
    • Request an EHC needs assessment if needed
Remember: By law, schools must make reasonable adjustments for children with SEND, regardless of whether they have a diagnosis.

Guide 8: Daily Life with a Neurodivergent Child. Creating a Neurodiversity-Friendly Home

Visual Environment:
  • Consider calming colors (blues, greens, purples)
  • Avoid harsh lighting; try dimmable lights
  • Reduce clutter
  • Create dedicated zones for different activities
Sound Considerations:
  • Provide warnings before noisy activities
  • Be aware of buzzing lights or appliances
  • Use carpets and soft furnishings to reduce noise
  • Consider noise-canceling headphones
Touch Sensitivities:
  • Experiment with different textures for bedding and clothing
  • Remove labels from clothes
  • Consider temperature regulation
  • Try weightd blankets for some children
Personalised Safe Spaces:
  • Create cozy corners with soft blankets
  • Provide areas for movement
  • Include items with emotional meaning
  • Allow space to self-regulate
Routines and Structure
  • Establish consistent daily routines
  • Provide visual schedules
  • Give advance notice of changes
  • Break down tasks into manageable steps
Family Time
  • Focus on connection and acceptance
  • Find activities that work for everyone
  • Take pressure off social expectations
  • Celebrate small victories
Remember, the goal is to create an environment where your child feels safe, understood, and able to thrive.

Guide 9: Managing Mealtimes and Eating. Many neurodivergent children experience challenges with food, including:
Common Eating Challenges:
  • Preferring specific textures, temperatures, or tastes
  • Needing food items to be separate (not touching)
  • Limited range of acceptable foods
  • Feeling overwhelmed in eating environments
  • Difficulty with certain utensils or containers
  • Sensory sensitivities to smells, tastes, or textures
Helpful Strategies:
  1. Reduce pressure
    • Never force eating
    • Create a calm, positive mealtime environment
    • Avoid battles over food
  2. Food presentation
    • Use divided plates if foods touching is an issue
    • Maintain consistent presentation
    • Consider temperature preferences
  3. Expand food range gradually
    • Offer "family-style" meals where everyone serves themselves
    • Include at least 1-2 preferred foods at each meal
    • Rotate accepted foods to prevent monotony
  4. Address sensory needs
    • Allow use of preferred utensils
    • Consider noise levels in eating environments
    • Provide tools for sensory regulation during meals
  5. Seek professional help if needed
    • Speak to your GP if concerned about nutrition
    • Consider referral to a dietician
    • Look into feeding therapy if appropriate
Remember: The goal is nutritional adequacy, not a perfectly varied diet. Focus on creating positive experiences around food.

Guide 10: Sleep and Sensory Needs. Many neurodivergent children struggle with sleep due to sensory processing differences, anxiety, or difficulties with routine transitions.

Common Sleep Challenges:
  • Difficulty falling asleep
  • Frequent night-waking
  • Trouble transitioning to sleep
  • Sensory sensitivities affecting comfort
  • Irregular melatonin production
Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment:
  1. Optimize the bedroom:
    • Use blackout curtains to block light
    • Maintain comfortable temperature
    • Consider white noise or calming sounds
    • Remove sensory irritants (labels on bedding, etc.)
    • Try weighted blankets for some children
  2. Establish a consistent routine:
    • Create a predictable bedtime sequence
    • Build in calming activities before sleep
    • Use visual schedules to support understanding
    • Be consistent with times when possible
  3. Manage sensory needs:
    • Offer deep pressure (firm massage, tight hugs) before bed
    • Try calming scents like lavender if tolerated
    • Consider sensory needs in pajama choices
    • Limit stimulating activities before bedtime
  4. Support melatonin production:
    • Reduce blue light exposure before sleep
    • Consider naturally melatonin-rich foods (dairy, bananas)
    • Speak to your doctor about melatonin supplements if needed
Remember that sleep patterns may take time to establish, and what works may change over time. Be patient and consistent in your approach.

Guide 11: Managing Emotions and Reducing Anxiety. Neurodivergent children often experience intense emotions and may struggle with anxiety. Here are strategies to help:

Understanding Emotions:
  • Use visual tools like emotion wheels to help identify feelings
  • Try the 5-Point Scale to measure emotional intensity
  • Consider the Zones of Regulation approach to categorize emotions
  • Recognize that your child may struggle to identify or express feelings (alexithymia)
The Stress Bucket Concept: Think of your child having a "stress bucket" that fills through the day:
  • Filling the bucket: School, sensory challenges, social demands, transitions
  • Emptying the bucket: Downtime, special interests, physical activity, sensory regulation
  • Monitor stress levels and ensure plenty of "bucket emptying" activities
Managing Anxiety:
  1. Predictability and preparation:
    • Use visual schedules and social stories
    • Give advance notice of changes
    • Break down new experiences into manageable steps
  2. Calming strategies:
    • Deep breathing exercises
    • Progressive muscle relaxation
    • Mindfulness activities
    • Access to sensory tools
  3. After-school regulation:
    • Allow downtime after school
    • Provide snacks and drinks
    • Minimize demands immediately after school
    • Create space for decompression
Remember that stimming (self-stimulatory behaviors like rocking, flapping, etc.) is often a self-regulation strategy and shouldn't be discouraged unless harmful.

Guide 12: Managing Meltdowns and Distressed Behavior. When your child becomes overwhelmed, they may experience a meltdown, shutdown, or flight response.

Understanding Meltdowns vs.Tantrums:
  • Meltdowns are involuntary responses to being overwhelmed
  • Tantrums are typically about getting something the child wants
  • Meltdowns can't be controlled and won't stop when demands are met
Signs of Building Distress:
  • Increased stimming
  • Changes in facial expression or tone of voice
  • Seeking escape or isolation
  • Covering ears or eyes
  • Physical tension
During a Meltdown:
  1. Prioritize safety
    • Create space around your child
    • Remove dangerous objects
    • Keep your voice calm and low
  2. Reduce sensory input
    • Dim lights if possible
    • Reduce noise
    • Minimize verbal instructions
    • Avoid physical contact unless welcomed
  3. Provide a calm presence
    • Stay nearby but give space
    • Use minimal, clear language
    • Offer a safe, quiet place if available
After a Meltdown:
  • Allow recovery time
  • Offer water and a snack
  • Provide access to calming activities
  • Avoid discussions about the incident until fully recovered
  • Never punish a meltdown
Remember: A meltdown is not a behavioral choice but a sign your child was pushed beyond their capacity to cope. Look for patterns to identify triggers and reduce future occurrences.

Guide 13: Executive Functioning and Organization. Executive functioning refers to the mental processes that help us plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks. Many neurodivergent children struggle with these skills.
Common Executive Functioning Challenges:
  • Difficulty planning and prioritizing tasks
  • Trouble starting or completing activities
  • Poor time management and time awareness
  • Problems with working memory
  • Struggles with organization
  • Difficulty shifting between activities
Practical Support Strategies:
  1. Visual supports:
    • Use visual schedules and checklists
    • Create visual timers to show time passing
    • Post routines with pictures
    • Use color-coding for organization
  2. Breaking down tasks:
    • Divide large tasks into smaller steps
    • Create clear starting points
    • Use "First... Then..." language
    • Celebrate small achievements
  3. Environmental organization:
    • Create dedicated spaces for belongings
    • Use labeled containers and folders
    • Reduce clutter and distractions
    • Establish consistent places for important items
  4. Time management:
    • Use timers and visual countdowns
    • Create routine charts with time estimates
    • Break down waiting time ("This will take about 3 songs")
    • Practice estimating how long activities will take
  5. Transitions between activities:
    • Give advance warnings before transitions
    • Use visual or auditory cues for transitions
    • Create transition routines
    • Allow extra time between activities
Remember that executive functioning skills develop over time. Your child may need these supports throughout childhood and adolescence, and possibly into adulthood.

Guide 14: Social Communication and Building Friendships. Many neurodivergent children want friends but struggle with the unwritten rules of social interaction.
Common Social Challenges:
  • Difficulty reading social cues and body language
  • Trouble understanding unspoken rules
  • Taking language literally
  • Difficulty with back-and-forth conversation
  • Intense interests that may not be shared by peers
  • Sensory challenges in social settings
Supporting Social Development:
  1. Understanding the "Double Empathy Problem":
    • Remember that communication difficulties work both ways
    • Neurotypical people often misunderstand neurodivergent communication just as much as the reverse
    • Focus on mutual understanding rather than making your child conform
  2. Direct teaching of social concepts:
    • Use social stories to explain social situations
    • Explicitly teach context-specific rules
    • Practice conversational turn-taking
    • Discuss different types of relationships (acquaintances vs. friends)
  3. Facilitating friendships:
    • Connect with families of children with similar interests
    • Look for structured activities based on interests
    • Start with short, successful playdates
    • Consider inclusive clubs or activities
    • Help maintain friendships with reminders and support
  4. Building on strengths:
    • Use special interests as connection points
    • Value quality of friendships over quantity
    • Celebrate unique social styles
    • Create opportunities for success
Remember that neurodivergent children may socialize differently, and that's okay. Focus on helping your child build meaningful connections rather than forcing neurotypical social patterns.

Guide 15: Looking After Yourself and Planning for the Future. Supporting a neurodivergent child can be rewarding but also challenging. Taking care of yourself is essential.

Self-Care Strategies:
  • Connect with other parents who understand
  • Join support groups (online or in-person)
  • Take breaks when possible
  • Accept help when offered
  • Maintain your own interests and relationships
  • Consider counseling or therapy if needed
  • Remember that you're doing your best

Planning for the Future:
  1. Developing independence:
    • Teach life skills early and consistently
    • Break down skills into manageable steps
    • Allow extra time for mastering tasks
    • Focus on practical skills that build confidence
    • Celebrate progress, however small
  2. Transition planning:
    • Begin thinking about transitions well in advance
    • For children with EHCPs, transition planning should begin in Year 9
    • Consider all options: further education, apprenticeships, employment
    • Research available support services
    • Involve your child in planning their future
  3. Celebrating neurodiversity:
    • Help your child understand their strengths
    • Connect them with neurodivergent role models
    • Focus on building self-advocacy skills
    • Create opportunities to showcase talents
    • Challenge stereotypes and limitations

​Remember that neurodivergent individuals can lead fulfilling, successful lives. Your support and understanding now will help build the foundation for your child's future.

Additional ResourcesLocal Support Services
  • Check your Local Authority's "Local Offer" website for SEND services
  • Contact your local SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Service)
  • Look for parent support groups in your area
  • Connect with condition-specific charities and organizations
Financial Support
  • Disability Living Allowance (DLA) for children under 16
  • Personal Independence Payment (PIP) for those 16 and over
  • Carer's Allowance for parents/carers
  • Access to discounts for attractions and activities
Remember that you are not alone on this journey. Reach out for support, trust your instincts about your child, and celebrate the unique person they are becoming.